Mastermind: or Boss Hogg Does Kyoto

MASTERMIND- 1969/70...who knows?

Producer: Malcolm Stuart
Director: Alex March
Writers: William Peter Blatty (as Terence Clyne) and Malcolm Stuart
Principal actors: Zero Mostel, Keiko Kishi, Felix Silla, Gawn Grainger, Sorrell Booke, Frankie Sakai, and Bradford Dillman
Running time: 86 minutes
Country: American release filmed in Japan
Favorite part or a representative line (s):  
Crouchback: “A thousand pardons."
Ichihara: "A thousand acceptances."

What do The Exorcist, Roman Holiday, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Joseph McCarthy have in common?  Give up?  The answer is Mastermind.  Keep reading, it will all click eventually.

Plot Summary: An unseen point-of-view villain tries to steal a sophisticated but creepy android toy named Schatzi, who resembles the offspring of an ill-advised tryst between Woody Allen's robot in Sleeper and Hercule Poirot.  Felix Silla plays the toy.  You won't recognize him as he usually has his face covered, like when he played Cousin Itt on the Addams Family or Twiki on Buck Rogers.  Inspector Hoku Ichihara (Mostel)  is called in to track down the killer thief.  Nigel Crouchback, Ichihara's annoyingly British assistant (Grainger) does little more than provide a dialogue sponge to make scenes with Mostel seem less like one man shows and serve as set-up man for the site gags.  Sorrell "Boss Hog" Booke plays one of two all too German characters, which of course have Nazi histories.  The German part of the Axis takes more of a beating than its Pacific allies at the hands of the writers. The lovely Nikki Kono (Kishi), a nightclub owner and target of Ichihara’s infatuation and bizarre daydreams, becomes a suspect.  Ichihara cannot believe his lady fare could be involved in anything criminal.  While on the trail of the criminals, we are launched back to feudal Japan to witness Ichihara's fantasies as a Samurai with Nikki as his traditional and adoring wife courtesy of the good Inspector's all too frequent daydreams which become steadily stranger as the minutes pass.  Schatzi's inventor disappears and the hunt is on.  Jabez Link (Dillman) of the United States C.S.S. (Central Security Services) shows up as a friend, or is he foe?  Stuff happens; sped up fight sequences, a dart gun that freezes people, an oddly humorous running gag of comedic legend Frankie Sakai unsuccessfully attempting seppuku, Israeli agents, cubism, etc.  An attempt is made to have the loose fitting plot tied together toward the end by having the principle characters gather together to force out the truth much like a similar scene in The Maltese Falcon.  A few plot revelations follow, then a motorcycle chase, some more German jokes, The End.                              

To your left; an example of one of Ichihara’s daydreams that look as if Vaseline was smeared on the lens in a manner similar to the way Captain Kirk’s love interests were filmed on the original Star Trek.  Watch the two videos below for further tastes of the surreal dream sequences, which are a mix of the miniseries Shogun and the acid flick The Trip.

The Eyes have it.

Background:  This delightfully racist spoof is one of those films I first stumbled upon when flipping channels on a lazy Saturday afternoon.  I saw the great Zero on screen, so I stopped my flipping ready to see him do his thing (i.e. deliver his lines with theater volume and being likabley over-the-top).  I was a fan of Zero’s having adored him as Pseudolus in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966), a role he originated on Broadway,  and as the charismatic Max Bialystock in Mel Brooks’ comic masterpiece, The Producers (1969). It was filmed in 1969 and set for a 1970 theater release that never really happened.  It was shelved and didn’t see the light of day until a vhs release decades later.  The original story came from Oscar winner William Peter Blatty of Exorcist and Shot in the Dark fame, which is a bit of a shock.  Blatty sought to recreate his bumbling but successful detective formula (a la French Inspector Clouseau) on the fortune cookie wisdom of the Asian Inspector Chan. Others became involved and he became so frustrated with the mutilation of his original idea by Ian McLellan Hunter, that he chose to use the pseudonym Terence Clyne.  Blatty was fired by ABC Films for his refusal to “adapt,” though his pseudonym still received writing credit.  Hunter is famous for another Cyrano de Bergerac act; he put his name on the blacklisted Dalton Trumbo’s screenplay for Roman Holiday.  He even accepted the Oscar for Trumbo’s efforts. There doesn't seem to be much of a budget shelled out by ABC.  The phrase "shoe-string budget" doesn't quite cover it.  I think these guys were wearing loafers.  Not Corman cheap, but pretty close.

Sakai and Mostel (two comedy greats)

Mostel plays the clever Japanese Inspector Hikoru Ichihara, and yes, we all know the Brooklyn born actor wasn’t even a 16^th Japanese. The idea, we all assume, was to give a send-up of ye olde Mr. Moto and Charlie Chan vehicles of the 1930s and 40s.  So, one can suspend one’s revulsion of the eye makeup and dropping of prepositions and articles if one holds it up next to the erstwhile portrayals of Charlie Chan by Sidney Toler and Werner Oland.   As it was made on location in Kyoto, Japan, the extras and minor characters are all “genuinely” Japanese and viewers should accept the character’s portrayal as parody of an antiquated Hollywood stereotype rather than the literal bigoted feelings of those who worked on the film.  Japan is positively portrayed as modern and above the goofy Asianish nature of the lead character's mannerisms and speech.  Neil Simon took a crack at the idea years later in his brilliant comedy Murder by Death (1976). In Murder, Peter Sellers (who played a career defining Clouseau in Blatty’s Shot in the Dark) plays the Chanesque Sidney Wang.  The Sellers/Simon version of the Chan spoof was executed perfectly and with more studio backing. Overall it seems to be a wasted effort by underutilizing Mostel and barely using Frankie Sakai.  Also, the whole film has a Rockford Files look and feel to it, which shouldn’t be surprising as director Alex March made his living directing episodes of such 70s gems as Kojak, McCloud, and McMillan and Wife. Still, there are some things in here worth watching.  First; Zero's still Zero.  Everything he did should be viewed as he made too few films (due mostly to blacklisting in McCarthy era Hollywood).  Second; Asiaphiles might enjoy the authentic locales and actors.  Third, there's just something about this one.  It's so strange and lame it's endearing.  It goes from boring to bizzarre in seconds like there was tag team direction happening on set.  After one viewing, I never forgot it and ended up buying a video cassette copy from Ebay for $1.  The costumes are great with vivid detail in the Ichihara samurai fantasy scenes.  The score is worth mentioning too.  Fred Karlin (Westworld and Up the Down Staircase) creates an interesting 60s folky take on Asian musical themes much like The Lovin' Spoonful did in What's Up Tiger Lily. So, If you’re a fan of Zero Mostel, you should watch it.  If you’re a fan of Charlie Chan, you should watch it. If you've always wanted to see Boss Hogg lovingly massage the buttocks of a young Japanese bath house girl, you should seek help immediately you twisted degenerate.

Inspector Ichihara's (Zero Mostel) prisoner by Z-cinema
Inspector Ichihara's (Zero Mostel) surreal... by Z-cinema
Inspector Ichihara's (Zero Mostel) surreal dream by Z-cinema